On Waiting

So, it has been a long week. It was the last week of school. There was grade drama. There were tears. And now I am done with students and grading. We still have a week of in-service, but I literally just have to show up. No lesson plans. No prep work. I get to work a normal 7 to 4 without the homework at the end of the day.

It is days like these I wish I had a significant other with whom to cuddle.

Granted, my de-stressing post graduation ceremony was pretty chill. I watched Zoolander whilst sipping a glass of red wine with my roommate. Fun. I then got in bed, propped up my knee (which is throbbing like all hell) and turned on an audio book. I do love being read to.

It is moments like this I wish I had a significant other to read to me.

I remember when I was 13 yrs old, I realized that I was going to have to wait at least--AT LEAST--10 years before I could get married. And I was devastated. Really. This was the worst thing ever. A quote from my journal: "I don't think I am going to make it ten years. Maybe I can become a nun."

Well, here I am, 10 years later, and 13 year old self, I MADE IT. (What would not making it look like? What is "it"? I should have been a better writer...).

Anywho, I am sitting here thinking, "I may not get married for ANOTHER 10 years." Whoa. I might not make it.

Make what?

Shut up.

Okay.

It is amazing how many things in life I feel like I can't do. Jobs I am not going to be able to finish. Friendships I am going to screw up. All these things make for one stressed out me. Anxious. Panicking. Etc. Looking at the waves all around me causes me to sink.

But, if there is one thing I know, it is that while I may not be able to make it, God will somehow allow me to make it, so in effect, I do make it. I didn't think I was going to make it as a teacher. I did. Sort of. Not perfectly. Not even prettily at times. But, it was made.

So, yes, I would love a boyfriend/husband. Yes, some days I am really sad that I don't have anyone to come home to except my pet rocks Fred and George. Yes, I would love my knee not to throb. Yes, I would love to be 40 pounds lighter and 50% prettier and 60% smarter.

But, I will make it. God will make all of those happen in his own time, and, if they don't, they will happen after I die. So ha. They will happen. Boo ya.

There are times I wish I had a significant other. And there is a big part of my heart that longs for that. (I also like the freedom of being single, so don't feel too bad for me. I mean, it is nice not having anyone to plan your schedule around, but it is also sad.).

The longing is still there. The nagging "No one would notice if you died in bed!" voice that says I will always be alone, which, let's be honest, could indeed happen. What if I have to wait another 10 years before I get married? Will I make it?

I will make it by God's grace. I will wait.