I am a maniac, maaaaaniac!

Okay, if I tell you what am I doing you will be mad.

Okay, some of you, some of you will be mad.

The ones of you who are rooting for my self-destructive tendencies and thus my inevitable end, yes, you dear enemies, you will not be filled with worry and woe, but will cackle uproarious and/or stroke your cat with your claw hand and mutter, "I'll get you THIS time, Gadget--I mean--Becky."(Duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, Inspector Gadget!).

Okay, enough suspense. (Is there suspense? I am trying to go for suspense. I think I am just being annoying. You want me to get to the point? I should get to the point. And the point is...).

I am sitting on the second floor of a building that might be structurally unsound. Yep, at any minute the effects of Oklahoma's Quakenado could cause this edifice to fall into a large heap taking my body and life with it.

But, you see, I have to be here. I was going insane. INSANE. And had to come here.

No, this is not like my fascination with running holding sharp objects.

No, this is not like my propensity to assume "safety" gloves just take the fun out of chemistry.

No, this is--will you just stop asking these questions and let me blog? Oh, what? This again. Of course, it always has to be about you. Well, when can it be about me? When can I talk about what I want? When am I going to have my moment, my shining happy beautiful glittering moment!? THIS IS MY BLOG FOR SHAKESPEARE'S SAKE!

Look, here is the deal. I am a psychotic individual (see any blogs from 2009-2010 for citation or the title of the blog itself). I need a place where I can go and just be. I need a place where no one is around and I can process my day. I need a place where I feel safe.

And it just so happens that a structurally unsound building is the only place that fits those criteria.

Oh, I know what you are thinking. You are thinking that I don't need it. You are thinking that I only need Christ and his love. Well, you're...w-right...but I feel like I need it.

Oh crap, this is a great analogy and not in a way that vindicates me. Stupid truth always coming out.

So many times in life we seek comfort in things that we feel like will save us: food, pain-killers, television, relationships, our teddy bear, ancient Greek, music, weight loss, our children, our jobs, etc. So many times we feel as if those things are what make us peaceful and serene. But, really, we should lean on Christ and his love for us for our stability, because what we think we need could figuratively (or in my case literally) crumble beneath our feet. We are beings of such great irony: we cling to the mass of the sinking ship and tell ourselves that letting go will kill us.

So here I sit. In a potentially hazardous situation. Not letting go. Talking about it in platitudes is cute kind of like a platypus which is the image that platitudes always invokes. But, let's be honest. It is not cute just like a platypus is not actually a cute secret agent fuzzy green creature but actually a somewhat scary creature that does not fit into normal taxonomical boundaries.

I am insane. Insane, I tell you.

Where am I?

No, I am not in an abandoned mine shaft (that was last week).

No, I am not in a condemned building on the outskirts of town (though I wouldn't put it past me).

No, I am not on a shady storage building on the wharf (Seriously? I live in a landlocked state).

I am sitting alone in my own apartment on my bed as music plays.

The Quakenado kinked a water pipe. All the sewage backed up. And they think the leaking water and sewage has ruined the foundation of my building. Hopefully, it will not be condemned, but I was "strongly recommended" to stay "off the premises" until "more was known."

Curse you, God! How did you know my weakness? I want a home. I want rest. AND I WANT IT ON MY TERMS. I DO NOT WANT TO BE A NOMAD. DON'T YOU GO ON AND SAY THAT YOU ARE MY HOME BECAUSE...BECAUSE...because...

Dagblastit, I hate it when you are right.

Okay, okay, I'll leave and go somewhere not potentially condemned.

But, I am only going because I have to use the bathroom and all the water is shut off.

Take that.